THe space between Us

No matter how hard I try I can't seem to make the pieces fit together. My head is spinning. I am trying so desperately to make out the image before me. I've been on this quest for a long time. It seems to not have an end. Once I thought I saw the end but it was just a mirage. Showing me a place to keep promises only to be let down again. The almond in your eye with light mustard startles me. The light freckle that waits patiently for more. I have one too, can you remember? There once was an elephant.......She could make you laugh for hours and days even. Once you fed me but I never came back. I'm sorry.

You are the Center

I can not understand why I can not put you down. Your thought has crossed my mind many times.
We wanted to create life in music, our child. What the fuck were we thinking? Jesus fucking Christ…Maybe this is why I set you free. Please, I don't want a fucking metal.
When I think of past tools, yours by far was the best. Your fucking heart was pink – You were so passive and I wanted so much conflict. You couldn't give me a crazy life. I wish I understood this idea of you.
The tiger and his tigress. What does this all mean? Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!!!
Just like Mr. Floyd had once said…the child has grown and the dream is gone. You are only coming through in waves. Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying. This must be my fleeting glimpse. I wish you were here to see it. Now you have become the center of my obsession.

I hve been writing a lot lately....please excuse the mess.

Two months of inspiration. My head has been filled with thoughts of these. This is driving me mad. One minute it is my reality and the next minute I find myself in an array of memoirs.

Winding my Dreams

Let me look past today so that I may see yesterday. Fucking henna. Fucking loneliness. Desperate just to be loved. Never fucking got me anywhere but right here always. Why didn't I open my eyes just a little wider? Maybe I would have seen you standing so close to me. It seems that the sun was too fucking bright that day. This god damned fucking green field again-it has my mind all fucking twisted. I want to see what it is that is so fucking intriguing. Why is there so much gravitational pull coming from the other side? Fuck man-it never ceases. I could be perfectly happy and still thinking about it. What ever IT is on the other fucking side. Why am I so curious? Everytime I had looked before, the things that I left behind meant so much more to me. And I couldn't go back. I am in mourning.

Red Velvet

Restless. Like never before. Stoned and wide awake. I just can not seem to focus. Your room is so dark and you have shown me what it is like to be a kid. Collecting meaningless items and throwing them into the back of your closet. Revealed to only be lost again. Red velvet pants and my red sued jacket go well together. But it was so hot that day. We were so crazy. You told me that you loved me and I could not say it back. I was so lost in my own past that I could not see your beauty. Minutes and days have gone by - still I wonder how you are. You once told me that you could not compete with a ghost. I was so lame. I know I don't matter much anymore, but I want you to know that I always cared and wondered what if? Maybe I was supposed to set you free. Maybe it was all for you. Maybe I did you a favor. Can you hold me up high for this? I wonder if one day I will create an impression of him for you.

Sweet October Love

I would love to let it be but somehow I know I can't. The way the wind blows in the cool fall air and how it reminds me of that time when it was so, and the freshness in our eyes, hell bent on being in that crowd. October was when I knew that I would love you for the rest of my life. Words strung together and meant so much but really even I don't know what I'm talking about half the time and then it was said, we are seasonal friends who will forever be lost in a world that doesn't make much sense. And I am ok with that. I wish so much that I could just let it be but in my mind I know I will always cherish that small part of my life when I knew that you were mine. Again, again I pray unto the winds, hoping my prayer will come true once more so I could hold you in my arms and know that my soul had come back to be with me for eternity and that I would be alone not ever again. True love is all I long for in you my sweet October love.
Written October 8th, 2001

mindfullness

What I'm fighting for is a chance to reveal myself......What I'm fighting for is worth more than paper plates and chinese drink umbrella's.
There once was this owl whooo said he knew everything about life....He came to me through death and I was always weary of him......I think sometimes he's frowning, it may be because his is like a pinata just waiting to be broken so that he may reveal what he holds inside.
I smile....There are moments like this. When everything seems to fit right into place for just one tiny moment. I'll try to run with this one.

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Streaming on

Just when I though that I was ready....I became sore throughout my inner temple. I no longer know just what it is that I truly desire. There was a long pause....

I know there is some common ground out there that I have yet to reach with my feet. I keep wandering through this time, seeking justice for my thoughts. I want to know where my heart is. Is it on the shelf behind the corner? In an empty glass? Inside your head?